Only Beautiful Somedays

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I don’t always wake up and straighten my hair in the morning. Somedays It’s lucky to see a brush and an elastic band. I rarely do my makeup before class.  I often choose to snooze my alarm clock five times instead (maybe even six).  It never fails, there I am on campus later thinking, “I hope I don’t run into anyone I know today.” I’m so guilty of not wanting anyone to see me if I didn’t put an hour and a half into getting ready, but I know i’m not the only one who does this. Unfortunately ladies, we all do it.  Daily I see people tweet things like, “Sorry if you have to see me today, I look ratchet.”

So, recently I have been thinking, are we only beautiful when we have time to “get beautiful”? I honestly think that somewhere along the way we must have lost the value of the word beautiful. 

Maybe you didn’t do your make-up today. You threw your hair into a pony tail. You’re wearing yoga pants or maybe even sweats, a t-shirt, and you’re probably feeling like a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10 right? Well you shouldn’t be.

Such a small amount of what makes you beautiful can be seen by the naked eye. Maybe your hair isn’t done because you stayed up late studying for a test, and you really needed that extra 20 minutes of sleep this morning.  Is beauty not a woman dedicated to her education? Maybe your make up isn’t done because you needed that 15 minutes to do laundry and clean before work. Is beauty not a woman who can sustain a household?

We get so consumed with the picture perfect idea of beauty that society has painted. When it’s unrealistic and false. Now ladies, I am not telling you to never do your make up or hair again. Most of us feel better on the inside when we are dressed to impress. So yes, when you have time DRESS UP. DO YOUR MAKEUP. DO YOUR HAIR. But STOP feeling like you’re not beautiful when you don’t. We have to stop believing that our beauty is determined by how much time we spend getting ready in the mornings,  the amount of makeup we put on our face, or how perfect the spirals of our curled hair are.

So what really makes you beautiful? Maybe it’s the fact that you got out of bed today, despite a broken heart. Maybe it’s that you’re still trying to so hard in school even though the last couple of weeks you’ve been failing miserably. Maybe you smiled today even though you’re going through something that’s tearing you up inside. Beauty is, feeling like you’re life is falling apart, yet still managing to smile. Beauty is, regardless of whatever situation you may be dealing with, your faith in God is unfailing and unchanged.

We are beautiful because of our strength in time of trial. We are beautiful for the sacrifices we make. We are beautiful because despite the many times someone broke our heart we continue to love. Beauty is not skin deep. So, I challenge you to look deeper when you stare into the mirror.

The truth isn’t always pretty, but you are.

-AS

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What Are We

Screen Shot 2014-04-04 at 5.20.02 PMYou’ve been waiting all day maybe even all week on a text from that guy you’ve been “talking” to.. or more realistically you probably don’t even know if you can consider it “talking”. You don’t know what you two are. He won’t say how he feels, or he doesn’t want to “label” anything. He just likes “hanging out” or “hooking up” with you. Yet, this is okay because if you keep pressing the “what are we” statement on him he’ll probably leave right, and you really like him and you don’t have anyone else. Sooner or later he’ll see how great you are and ask you to be his girlfriend or at least post a photo of you two on Instagram. So you’ve told yourself you’re content with this unofficial, sideline, 50%, more than friends, non-relationship. Yes, I said non-relationship because that’s what it is. It’s not real. Let’s be honest for a second. Seriously, stop lying to yourself for 5 seconds… you really do want an answer from him. You want a label. You want a big label. You would wear the label on your forehead if you could. You like him and you do want to date him. Now say this to yourself, “i’m not wrong”.. say it out loud if you have to. Say it until you believe it. Because you’re not wrong for wanting a man to establish his purpose in your life.

I’ll stop pointing fingers now because sadly I know all of this from past experiences.

I was once that girl “talking” to the greatest guy ever! He was really smart and athletic. Sounds perfect right? Just wait… He always told me how beautiful I was and how much he liked my body. Red flag alert. He liked my BODY. Not my mind, or thoughts. Not my smile, or the way that I laughed. No, he just liked my body. He liked the way that I looked. Unfortunately, I was young and naive. I took his superficial and empty words and I stretched them. I stretched them far and wide to comfort myself and make it feel like he cared about me. I wanted to be special to him, but I wasn’t. After several months I finally asked the those three dreaded words. “What are we?” To which he informed me that we weren’t anything. He was in college and there are so many other girls, he didn’t want to limit himself. (Sadly, this is directly quoted) He liked hanging out with me but just as friends. So i’m thinking, you don’t kiss your friends, or hold them while you watch TV, or tell them that you “love their body!” BUT I kept spending time with him. I kept telling myself that he would eventually feel different. He would change his mind, and want to date me. I felt like I just needed to be a certain way, or if could be more appealing he would realize I was worth his time.

It’s a heart-breaking experience to try and “win” someone over after they turn you down. It’s emotionally exhausting. Because no matter what you do or say, they never end up choosing you. Say that to yourself out loud. They will never end up choosing me. More importantly tell yourself that you shouldn’t want them to. They will never choose you because men will treat you the way you allow them to. You’ve already allowed him to stay in a “safe zone” where he doesn’t have to be a man about his feelings or be honest about his intentions. He isn’t going to just wake up one day and realize how special you are. So let him go. Yes, I said it. LET HIM GO.

You should never wait for a man to want you. You are beautiful, and smart, and completely worthy of someone who loves you. You deserve someone who tells you how they feel. You deserve someone who wants you, and will tell you that he does. Who plans to pursue you and spend time with you so he can get to know you. Someone who isn’t just trying to get you into bed with him. So stop spending time with guys who aren’t clear on their intentions. If they aren’t willing to man up and establish what you are and what they want with you, then kick them to the curb. I promise you can and will find someone better. PROMISE! Love yourself enough to walk away.

Last but not least, it’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to stay in and watch Netflix with your roomates because none of you have boyfriends. It’s okay to go out every weekend with your girls. It’s okay to not get a sweet “good morning text” every day. It’s okay to cry because you miss that exceptionally crappy guy you had only really known for like 3 months but you could have SWORN he was the one. (Happens to the best of us) Enjoy the time you spend with yourself, learn what you like, and what you don’t like, what makes you smile, and what makes you sad. Learn to love yourself. Don’t settle for anyone or anything, and always guard your heart. Remember that you choose your company, and they will continue to do what you allow them to do. Choose wisely. You may never find a flower if you continue to roam through patches of weeds.

The truth isn’t always pretty.

-AS

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